Resolution Check-In

How are we all doing on those New Years resolutions we made 3 months ago? We're just about at the quarter mark so I thought I'd ask. I'm guessing if ten people read this the break down goes something like this: 4 of you are groaning (or cursing me, I dunno maybe a comb of the 2). 3 of you are putting that bag of potato chips down. Relax, I didn't say you rolled it up and put the oversized Chip Clip back on, I'm just saying you put the bag down. 1 of you is trying to remember what the hell your resolution was. 1 of you "doesn't believe in resolutions (code for "too lazy") and 1 of you is jumping up and down with your hand raised, ready to tell me how much weight you've lost, money you've saved and how many old ladies you've helped cross the street. Hey asshole, put your hand down. Nobody likes a bragger. For your entertainment I've listed my own resolutions and their status 90 days in. Feel free to judge/scrutinize/mock as you see fit.

• Get smaller: "Bloggle" cafes are great but they're not helping my waistline. Thus, I checked out a gym last night. Elderly asian men Zumba-ing, feel free to process that visual
• Write more: Given my average of one post a month, it's pretty obvious this one's not being met. I'm working on that... obviously.
• Volunteer: I went to a food pantry in San Jose, ONCE. I spent the morning muttering about kids these days and shaking my head in disapproval. Hey, where I come from teenage boys are volunteering gold mines, eager to do heavy lifting and throw things. Where these scrawny hoodlums came from I have no idea but my grandmother would've been more useful. She would have moved faster too.
• Read more: I've actually managed to read several books. Want me to recommend one? Too bad. I hate it when people do that and then months later you ask "hey how was that book I recommended?" and no matter what it's an awkward response. Here are all of the possible responses: 1. awkward moment "Ya, ya know I never got around to reading it." 2. "Meh, it was ok" awkward moment comes at the tail end this time. 3. "I did and you know what, it changed my life!" Guess how often number 3 happens. I suppose there could be a 4th option "Yes I did read it and good God was it awful. What is wrong in your psychotic head that you thought I would like that?"
• Get to know my neighborhood: There's a park 2 blocks away that allows alcohol in the "picnic areas", a Jazzercise studio behind Target, and giant ceramic fruit sculptures next to Caltrain. What more do I need to know?

Hope your New Years Resolutions are more successful than mine have been! (here's where you all comment and tell me it's ok, you're not doing any better)