Monday, December 5, 2011

The Christmas Tree

As Christmas trees go, most people have pretty strong feelings on artificial vs real trees. Our house was a real tree kind of house. Personally, I love real trees, but only AFTER they've been purchased, dragged home, propped into the stand and strung with lights. All the crap you have to do to get to that point is enough to push you to the edge.

In the Giametta house, the tree was typically a 2 day event, and day 1 wasn't pretty. Day 1 involved yelling and untangling and sweating and more yelling, a stream of sap and eight dead bulbs. I was not an active member of day 1, strictly an observer. And still, I cringe when I think about it. Day 2 went better. Someone busted out the Christmas records (ya I said it, Christmas records), the kids were allowed to hand the non-fragile ornaments and generally fewer four letters words found their way into the conversation.

When I got my first apartment I was 19. The place was half a shoebox. It was a two bedroom apartment (which was actually a 1 bedroom apartment with a wall added) and I lived there with three of my closest friends. We didn't have money for toilet paper, much less a Christmas tree so we were all pretty stoked when my mom's care package arrived. Inside was a 3 footer, lights already strung. Also included: 2 dozen homemade ornaments and knitted scarves in our school colors (Go Huskies!). Yes, my mom is Suzy Homemaker.

That year and every year since, I've put up my three foot tree. It takes 2 minutes to assemble, never needs to be watered and carries with it a lot of great memories.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Life Lessons with Lea: On Dating

You'll note I am far behind on my post-per-day quota. I had a crazy first 3 days of December. Mostly they involved bars and friends. And yes that's a valid excuse. You're allowed to say "I didn't get around to doing it because I was drunk" until you're 30.

Ok, so dating. In the ten-ish years I've been dating, I've collected the following half dozen truths. Ten years, and this is all I've got If anyone has anything helpful to add, please let me know.

1. If a man asks for your phone number and then never calls you, he was hit by a bus: It's tragic really, hit by a bus and all. So sad, he seemed like a real nice fella. But death by public transit is the ONLY logical explanation for why he has not called you. Seriously, ladies stop asking you're girlfriends why he didn't call you. He was hit by a bus. Move on.

2. Smiling helps: I know this sound really simple but I swear to God this is an extremely vital component. As it turns out, most of the male population prefer happy women to cranky ones. The man who wants an unhappy woman? You don't want him.

3. If he texts you more than 3 times the day after you give him your number, walk away: If he mentions his mother on the first date, run.

4. Short men feel like they have something to prove.

5. Tall men feel like they have nothing to prove.

6. You either want Brandon or Dylan. You cannot have them both: I don't think anyone reading this is too young to remember the original 90210, but if you are between the ages of 12 and 20 and happen across this blog, this roughly translates to Team Edward or Team Jacob, though it's not an exact parallel. Either you get the bad boy or you get the good guy. It does not matter how dynamic the dude may be. He will never be both mysterious, mischievous and exciting, as well as sweet, considerate and supportive. And at the end of the day you have to pick which one you want. Luckily, this is easier than it sounds because you knew which guy you wanted at the beginning of the day. We're wired at birth to want one more than the other. Don't believe me? Pose the Dylan vs Brandon question the next time you're out with friends. See how long it takes for the yelling to start.